What is Wrong With Me?
by Sakirosset
Summary: A student is having some weird feelings. Strangely enough she only experiences them when she is around Snape. What can posibly be wrong with her?
1. Prologue

**What is Wrong With Me?**

A/N: Well this is my first shot writing a fanfic. It will probably be boring and not very creative but I wanted to try anyways to see if someone is bored enough to read it. Suggestions on improvement are welcomed. Also wanted to add that English is not my first language so bear with me please ^_^. Still, I'll try my best.

**Prologue: memories from the past.**

Have you ever wondered if you belong some where else? Have you ever thought there is some place out there that is slightly better than the place you are currently living? Well… I have. I desperately need to get away from the life I'm currently living, even if it means death.

Have you ever heard of an eleven year old speak of suicide? I don't go out often so this will be a first…

But who in my place wouldn't think of it? I mean my parents died God knows how, I have no known relatives so I'm stuck in an orphanage. And the guy who takes care of us is a damn sadist that has taken the habit of harming me quite often… he loves seeing me in pain.

Anyways, my suspicions of him been a sick bastard were confirm one night he tried to take advantage of me. I said tried because he was not able to do anything to me. He dragged me to his room, left the usual bruises on my body, but this time he didn't stop there, he took away both our clothes off, but when he was about to take the rest of my innocence away, he suddenly flew back hitting his head on the night table and falling unconscious. I then had the opportunity to take my clothes and leave.

After that I was more disgusted, if possible, at my self. I couldn't look at my reflection in the mirror. I couldn't stop thinking that I deserved the things that had happened to me.

Anyways, a couple of weeks latter I received a letter that said that I was accepted at a school named Hogwarts. ???


	2. character description

A/N: this is more like a current description of the main character. I'm adding this because I think it is enjoyable to have an image of the characters in the story and since I'm making this character up I can send a picture to whoever wants to know how she looks like, (e-mail is on my profile). I don't think this story will gain much popularity but whatever …

Name: Mirielle Beaumont

Age: 16

House: Gryffindor

Hair: Dark brown up to the waist

Eyes: Dark brown

Skin: white, but not pale

Height: 5'2 inches

Weight: 115 pounds


	3. Chapter 1

**Ch****apter 1: ****Proposition**

It was the first day of her sixth year at Hogwarts. She was having breakfast and waiting for Professor McGonagall to give her the times table. She was going to be the last one to receive it because Professor McGonagall told her that she would like to speak to her.

"Good day Miss. Beaumont" McGonagall said. "As you know you have outstanding marks in all your classes and I would like to speak of the probability of skipping this year and go to the next one, or perhaps taking advance private lesson of all subjects. All the Professors have spoken, and we all agreed that you will develop better in a higher level. What do you say?"

Mirielle thought about it for awhile and then answered.

"Good day Professor, I must decline, I wish to stay at my current year and do not wish to take advance classes with all the Professors, I believe you have more important things to do than wasting your time teaching advance lessons to a student."

She didn't like to stand out in a crowd and skipping a grade would draw unwanted attention. Besides she knew that the teachers wouldn't really want to spend the afternoons tutoring a student in their free time that is why she was given the option to skip the grade.

"Miss. Beaumont, if I'm offering the option of you taking extra lessons, is because we want to do it, so you shouldn't worry of how we spend our time." said McGonagall raising an eyebrow.

"You are right Professor, but with all due respect, my decision stays" she said respectfully.

"Very well then." said McGonagall a little disappointed. "Here is your timetable. Oh, and here is an excuse sign by me. I believe you are late for your first class."

Mirielle looked at the time table. Her first class was double potion with the Slytherins. So she gathered her things and headed to the dungeons. 5 minutes latter she walked into the classroom.

"Oh, so noble of you to grant us your presence, Ms. Beaumont. I believe I shall take 15 points from Gryffindor" said as expected a soft sneering voice as she entered.

Mirielle just looked at the potion Professor and headed to a desk in the back of the room. She had been late so she didn't argue nor she bothered in giving him the excuse McGonagall had gave her. He didn't ask for one, besides it would be interesting to find out about McGonagall's reaction, when she found out the reason of the lost point, and see if she would reclaim them from Snape.

"As I was saying, before we were so unceremoniously interrupted, today you will be brewing the draught of living dead found in page 15 of your books, you have the whole class to do it. I suggest you begin." and with no more words Snape sat at his desk.

Mirielle had done this potion before, she had even added to the instructions in her book. She was smart and loved potions, even if her Professor didn't inspire her sympathy.

She brewed a decent potion. When she was about to put it in a bottle the cauldron suddenly felled to the floor making an incredibly loud noise. She looked to the side and saw a Slytherin girl putting away her wand hastily and smirking.

"So, another 30 points from Gryfindor and detention Mss. Beaumont, tonight at seven. Clean up that mess before you leave." snarled Snape, glairing at her.

Mirielle glared at the Slytherin girl named Jessica. She had never lost that many points, and never had detention… and with Snape of all people.

With a wave of her wand she cleaned up the dungeon floor. She picked up her stuff and a few minutes latter Snape dismissed the class.

When she exited to the corridor Mirielle saw Jessica walking in front of her. She took out her wand and cast a nonverbal spell. The girl suddenly gave a hair-standing scream and ran away crying.

Classes went uneventful the rest of the day. She had many enemies and not a single friend, because she was to lonely, weird, and dark to be a Gryffindor, and a Gryffindor to be a Slytherin, a fact that made her wonder if she was really in the right house, or if she was placed there as one of fates gone bad prank. Anyways, no one ever messed with her because of the fact that her revenges were cruel and her grudges were long. Even boys wouldn't approach her, not because she was ugly, in fact she had a decent beauty, but because they were kind of scared of her temper and attitude.

After dinner she went down to the dungeons for her detention. She knocked on the class door.

"Come in." said a familiar cold voice.

She walked in the classroom, Snape was sited on his desk, so she waited for instructions. Then Snape spoke.

"Mss. Beaumont, will you explain why you decided not to showed me Professor McGonagall's note excusing you of been late to my class?" he said softly glaring at her his eyes gleaming.

She could tell that what had happened did not pleased Snape. She had to suppress a satisfaction smirk, not something that was difficult for her as she could hide her emotions well enough. She just looked at him in the eyes not showing the usual fear students often demonstrated when they were in his presence. She was hardly scared of anything and if she was she didn't really showed sings of it.

"Well Professor, you took away points for me been late, which I was, and I saw no point of excusing my self when I was not asked, and when your decision had already been taken." she said in a respectful and convincingly innocent voice, showing no signs of her satisfaction.

"Professor, with all due respect, may I ask why you are asking me to explain the situation?" she dared the question to see how much it bothered her detested Potions Master.

Snape stared at her, his glare lowered its intensity. He had never treated the girl before. It wasn't until now that he realized how complex she really was, he noticed she had like a hidden malice. He noticed she was cunning and that she calculated her actions carefully. He knew that she was smart, but why had he never noticed her in class. He never took away points from her before, nor had he even reprimanded her in any occasion. Besides, from what he had presence just now he noticed she was extremely respectful. So if she was such an exceptional student, why didn't he noticed her before? By now Snape was intrigued by the girl. Aside all this, he decided to answer.

"Well Mss. Beaumont, imagine Professor McGonagall's reaction when she found out the reason of the points taken by my account so early in the morning, when she perfectly well knew that she had personally given you an excuse for been late to my class. She accused me of overthrowing her authority." He said everything calmly but when he got to the last sentence Mirielle noticed a little bitterness in the tone of his voice.

Mirielle stared at her Professor giving away no sings of her satisfaction.

"Enough of that, now Mss. Beaumont, I know for a fact that you are not clumsy because I barely notice your presence in my class. May I know the reason of how your cauldron ended up on the floor?"

Mirielle was caught off track by this. First her cold Potions Master had thrown her a compliment in his own weir way. Second he was actually asking her for the facts of what had really happened, when she knew Professor Snape had no reputation for been fair. But she recovered quickly and said.

"Well Professor, with all due respect, I don't see why that is relevant; you have already taken the choice of giving me detention."

Snape gave her a look that clearly said: 'answer me', so she continued calmly.

"But, if you must know, a girl from class thought that it would be funny to play a welcoming joke. So, we all laugh."

As she said the last sentence her eyes sparkle slightly and Snape noticed. He knew she probably had done something to the girl but he didn't enquired further. It was his duty to reprimand her but he couldn't really prove she had done something wrong. As time passed he wondered more and more as to why he didn't noticed the girl before, and he was becoming more and more intrigued as time passed.

"Very well then, you will be brewing the same potion as this morning. As you know, the instructions are in your book, you may begin." and with that said he lowered his gaze and continued evaluating the students potions.

Did he just allow her to remake the potion for evaluation? Maybe he was not that cruel and unjust after all.

Mirielle sat in a desk in the middle of the classroom, for some reason she didn't like to sit in the front…, and she began brewing the potion.

After awhile, she was done.

"I'm done Professor." she said in a bored tone.

Snape stood up from his desk, and walked to her cauldron wandering why she had taken a sit in the middle of the class instead of sitting in the front. When he got to the desk where she was sitting and stared at the cauldron his eyes widen slightly. The state of the potion was… perfect. He noticed frowning.

"Is something wrong Professor?" Mirielle asked a little concerned as to what the Professor might say.

"Mss. Beaumont this…" he said a bit amazed, then an idea cross his mind, and he ordered: "let me see your book."

Mirielle hesitated for she didn't know if Snape would approve the state of the page were the draught of the living dead was, it was written all over. Snape took it and opened it to page 15. He looked at it, it was definitely her hand writing, not all the pages were written on and the book was relatively new. At this point he was genuinely amazed. Then he looked at Mirielle's expecting face.

"Mss. Beaumont, this potion is beyond my expectations. I have never seen a student brew such a perfect potion." Even though he was impressed his tone of voice was kept professional. "Why didn't you showed this talent before? You have always done good enough potions but you have never made the attempt of perfecting them."

Now Mirielle was really amazed, she knew that Snape had probably never priced a student potion skill.

"Well professor, first I don't like to stand out or show off, so that is why I never tried to perfect a potion before. But during the past summer break I needed something to occupy my mind, my favorite subject is potions, and because it is not wand waving magic, I started to practice brewing some, but then I got bored and figured that there were things you could add to the potion to make it even better and started improvising and getting the result you see here, and if I already knew how to make it better I figured that it would not kill me if you evaluated my work."

Snape looked at her. 'she has potential but why didn't she advanced to the next year?, oh, yes, she doesn't like to stand out. That is foolish of her.'

"I know you said you didn't like to be noticed, but I have a proposition nonetheless. I have never done it but then again I have never had such a skilled student. I will like to transmit my entire potion brewing knowledge to you in extra potion lessons. If you don't want your peers to know, they won't. What would be your answer?"

"Professor, I really would not want to waste your time."

"If you work hard and do as you are told you will not be wasting my time" He snapped.

Mirielle was surprise at Snape's conviction about his proposition. She knew that he was an exceptional potion brewer, but then again, he was the most detested teacher at Hogwarts. She herself didn't like him much, but for what she had just seen he was not bad at all, and this was really a unique offer.

"I accept Proffesor."

"I will inform the Headmaster and the rest of the staff about your decision. You will have this class 3 times a week, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays at six o'clock. Everything said, you may leave." he said.

Mirielle picked up her stuff and exited the classroom.

Snape watch her walk out the door from his desk. 'For what I can see she liked the idea of learning extra potion lessons. I still wonder how was it that I didn't notice her skill before. She likes to pass unnoticed, this girl intrigues me. I can tell she enjoys solitude, she also get what she wants, because I now realize that she did not gave me the excuse deliberately so that Minerva would have an argument with me. Yes she likes to manipulate, maybe she found it amusing. Why is this girl in Gryffindor when she has all the qualities to be in my house?'

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Mirielle went to the common room and entered the showers to take a bath. She liked the idea of learning how to do better and more powerful potions. Also, she got to know her Professor and she didn't think of him as badly as she did before. Yes, he was strict, intimidating and cold, but she didn't fear him. She knew he was bitter… but so was she. And she had a good reason to be bitter, so she couldn't really blame her Professor; surely he had his own reasons.

As she thought of her reasons to be bitter she materialized a cup of glass, broke it, and took a piece and made 3 cuts in the back of her hand. She was left so she did them in her right hand, then she made a few horizontal cuts under her wrist vain, and a few in her thighs. This was like a routine for her. It was a way to let out the days stresses and forget about everything. She thanked the school robes, for helping her hide the cuts the next day. She could heal them easily but she liked to feel the pain of the fresh cuts through out the day.

A/N: yes, I know not very creative but what the hell, its just something I'm doing because I lack of anything better to do.


	4. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: ****First Advanced Lesson**

Mirielle made it through all her classes the next day waiting for her extra potion lesson.

After having a quick dinner she looked for her potion making tools and headed for the dungeon. As she was getting to Snape's classroom she came across two Slytherin girls, that she recognized to be Jessica's friends. When they saw Mirielle alone they headed towards her. She saw their intentions, so she left her things on the floor and quickly, before the other two had a chance to react, took out her wand.

"What do you want?" Mirielle asked calmly.

"What you did to Jessica was not very nice." one of them said dumbly.

"You know what they say: if you play with fire you are going to get burned." she said coldly.

"Really?" ask the other girl making a move to get her wand. She grabbed it but when it was half way out of her robes Mirielle said:

"Don't you dare." in a bored tone, pointing her wand at the girls direction.

"Or what?" the girl said taking her wand out of the robes but before she could even think of anything Mirielle said:

"Or, Expeliarmus" and the girls wand flew in the air. But not before Mirielle said "Ferrumsempra" and out of her wand came a silver light shape as a small sword. "Now… you better leave."

"If not what?" said the wand less girl trying to show courage but failing miserably.

"If not…" Mirielle curled a fist and pointed it towards the girls face "… this" she raised her wand and pressed the silver light on her arm. Blood dropped from where the light touched her skin to the floor.

"You are a crazy bitc…"

Mirielle led the light towards the girls throat

"Don't you EVER address me in that manner. Now go before I change my mind and cut you two to pieces."

The girls turned around and ran away.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**Snape's point of view: **

Snape was sitting at his desk evaluating some potions when he heard voices, a conversation that sounded more like an argument. He quickly stood up and went outside of his classroom. When he did he just had to look straight ahead to find the origin of the noise. It was Miss. Beaumont and two other girls from his house.

"What you did to Jessica was not very nice."

'Oh, so she did do something to her…, I heard that she had some unpleasant images displayed in her mind but that is really advance magic' he was brought out of his thoughts by what happened next.

"Expeliarmus" "Ferrumsempra"

Snape had drawn his wand but he didn't take action. He was there just thinking. 'That spell does not exist, or at least I do not know of its existence.

'If not…" "…this"

'What is she doing' he thought frowning 'what is wrong with this girl???' he thought as his eyes widen the second he saw her blood dripping. Mirielle said something else he could not really get while pointing the silver light at one of the girls. But he didn't really noticed this actions, he was caught by surprise… he was not expecting her to do herself harm, and it shocked him… but why did it affected him what she had done, she could surely heal herself. When he came back to himself the Slytherin girls were already running down the hallway.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

**Original point of view:**

"Mss. Beaumont" Snape called out calmly masking his surprise.

Mirielle eyes widen as she heard him but before she turned to face him, she regained control of her expression.

"Come." he said

She followed him into his classroom; he closed the door and sat behind his desk.

"Sit" he ordered signaling a desk that had just dragged itself in front of his own.

"May you explain to me what has just happened?" he said unable to mask his curiosity.

"Well Professor I just disarmed a student that was threatening to hex me." she said as if it were not important, and clearly stating she had done nothing wrong because after all, she had done the girls no harm.

"Thanks for stating the obvious, Mss. Beaumont. What I really want to know is, first of all, were did that spell came from?" he sneered and paused expecting an answer.

"Sorry Professor, and well… that spell is something I… sort of came up with. I took it from Rictusempra and added some dar…er…other knowledge to it."

Snape looked at her and raised an eyebrow. Once again she surpassed his expectations. So she also made up her own spells…

"Second, Mss. Beaumont, why did you inflicted harm upon yourself?" This he did not planned, he was going to frown upon her actions next but he asked this question in spite of himself.

Mirielle did not really think he would ask this. Is not as if she had thought he would care. But then again it was probably his duty to ask.

"I did it to intimidate them I guess…" she didn't really know the reasons of her actions they just happened. It was probably because she felt upset with the situation and she wanted to relieve the emotion by cutting.

"I do not believe those were your true intentions Mss. Beaumont. Stand up and come over here" he said lacking his characteristic bored tone.

Mirielle stood from her desk and approached Snape's desk. Snape sat at his chair, the desk in front of him and Mirielle in front of the desk facing Snape.

"Not there. Here" he snapped. He signaled beside him and turned 90 degrees on his chair and stood up.

She felt uncomfortable but walk towards him anyways.

"Let me see your right hand" He ordered.

She raised her right hand and he took it in his. He saw the wounds on the back of her palm. He had the suspicion they were self inflicted. He wondered why hadn't she healed them, but thought instantly that they were there to relieve tension. 'A weakness, no doubt'.

While he was examining her hand she noticed how strong, yet gentle, his hands were. She surprise by this kind of thinking so she rejected the thoughts immediately, not giving them a second thought. She focused, instead on the invasion of her privacy. As long as she was concerned what she did to herself was her business alone.

After he examined the wounds on the back of her palm, and realizing they were not done by magic, he turn her hand and roll up her sleeve back to reveal the cut inflicted by the Ferrumsempra, and found several other cuts. Mirielle retrieved her hand hastily

Snape raised an eyebrow.

"May I know why you wounded yourself Mss. Beaumont?"

"No you may not; I will like to keep my business to my own." She said calmly despite her feeling angry and scared of the intrusion to her private life.

Snape looked at her with a penetrating glare, as if he was piercing inside her mind. She did not hold his gaze, she didn't liked the sensation so she had to look away, it was... the first time she had to change her eyesight elsewhere.

"What are you doing?" she asked

Why was he trying to find answers as long as she was concerned that was none of his business. He knew she could heal the injuries with magic. They were there to drive her emotions to physical pain, and he must know they are not suicidal attempts.

"I would like to keep my business my own." answered Snape smoothly, his eyes glinting.

"Fair enough, Professor, as long as you do not try to get in here." she said signaling her head.

"Is that a threat Mss. Beaumont" Snape asked in a low and slightly angry voice.

"Not at all Professor." said Mirielle respectfully.

Snapes anger vanished when he saw Mirielle's sad expression. He looked at her sympathetically for a fraction of a second but quickly recovered.

"Well Mss. Beaumont, we will start with your potion lesson. Follow the instructions on the board, when you reach step 3 and 7 you shall call me. You may begging." said Snape as if nothing had happened. No punishment or anything of anything for her actions.

She did as she was told. When she had a chance to think in something that was not the complicated potion she remembered that there was a fraction of a second were she swore that the professors eyes showed something that resembled caring. She decided not to give it importance. She reached step three and called the professor. He would ask her in what way that particular instruction could improve, if she knew she would just improve it, if she didn't Snape would tell her but she would had to find out why that particular action was taken and she would have to write her findings and give it to the professor the next time the class was held.

After discussing step three Mirielle was lost in thought, again. Why had the Professor asked her what was wrong? Why did he ask her for an explanation? And why was he showing concern? Thinking about it… he was the first person that had asked her for her wellbeing … Why did she cared? She did not needed for a person to care for her, she was, is, and will always be alone. 'He invaded your privacy, he was meddling in your life, and you should be mad at him… but why am I grateful instead?

Some more thinking went on; she finished her potion, bottle it, gave it to the Professor, and sat back down waiting for him to dismiss her.

"Well, I think we are quite finished with today's lesson." Snape said softly.

Mirielle picked up her materials and was ready to go when an impulse got the better of her and before she could even think what she was saying the words were out of her mouth.

"Professor, why did you wanted to know the reason of me… cutting myself?" she said.

Snape eyes widen slightly, he didn't really think of a reason he just asked, besides he didn't expect her to ask such a question so he didn't had a prepared answer but he recovered quickly.

"Because it is my duty as a teacher to know about, and watch for this kind of behavior." He said emotionless.

"Oh" she said a bit disappointed. Again her next words came out of her mouth before she could think what she was saying.

"Either way… thanks Professor. I don't really care if you did it because you had to. I really appreciate that you wasted your time asking. I was mad at you at first for invading my privacy but that was the closest thing someone has gotten to care for my wellbeing, so I don't care why you did it, just that you actually did it. Thanks again, have a good night." She said walking out the door before she could open her mouth again. She had never in her life opened up to anyone like that so suddenly. Hell she had never spoken of her emotions to anyone. What the hell was wrong with her?

As she walked out of the room saying her last words Snape raised and eyebrow. Someone had actually appreciated something he had done. 'Is this girl this lonely as to appreciate something I've done?' he thought to himself. 'But why did I ask?'

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

'Why did I had to ask? Why did I say those things? And why did I felt so disappointed when he told me he did it because it was his obligation? And why in the world had I felt so shaken when he held my hand earlier?' Mirielle thought as she headed towards the Common Room.

As always she headed to her room with out talking to anybody. She decided to take a bath and forget about everything that had happened by cutting as usual.


	5. Chapter 3

**Ch****apter 3: ****Illness**

The next day she had double potions that morning again, but she was nervous. She did not know why just thinking about taking that class made her shake and tremble. Something she had never experience before. She gathered her stuff and headed towards the dungeons still shaking and her stomach shrinking with every step.

She entered the classroom and took a sit in the back as usual. Snape entered the room. She was shaking a lot at this point she thought she was sick she didn't know what was happening to her.

"Today's potion instructions are on the blackboard. You may begin." He said softly.

Mirielle jumped in her chair when she heard his voice. Was she so concentrated in her 'illness' that she didn't expect him to speak? Or was she afraid of the Potion Master? 'Not likely' she thought.

She started brewing the potion, but she was shaking still, and she was messing it up. She added the wrong amount of a variety of different ingredients. It was not that she was not focusing, but her shaking made her mess up . The class came to an end and it was time for her to bottle up her potion. She was seriously considering vanishing the potion and not handing anything in but she convinced herself out of it. She handed the potion in and when Snape saw it he asked her to stay behind. The class was dismissed. All her peers exited the room. Mirielle's felt that by now her stomach was incapable of shrinking any further.

"Will you mind explaining what is this, Mss. Beaumont?" snarled Snape.

"I'm terribly sorry Professor… is just that I'm not feeling rather well this morning." She said, still shaking even more if possible.

Snape gave one look at her and thought of the possibility of blood lost but her skin was not pale, all the contrary, her cheeks had that tone of blush it usually had… 'Were did that came from?' he questioned himself.

He was thankful he didn't have a class for another period because it gave him time to figure out what was wrong with the student. In one swift movement, he stood up and approached her for a better examination.

He touched her forehead to see if she had a fever, at that instant she trembled tremendously and suddenly her legs gave away. Mirielle lost all her strength, she was falling but before she could hit the floor she felt strong arms grabbing her shoulders as she fell into Snape´s chest instead, she was not thinking clearly right now, she just felt dizzy, she could only remember the sour sweet scent that came from her Professor, she looked up to see the Potions Master's face, she realized how close they were and that only helped her to loose the strength in her legs once again. Snape didn't let her fall, and took her to a chair. She sat down.

"Are you alright?" ask Snape unable to hide his preoccupation. Mirielle didn't looked at him in the face so, to his relief, she didn't noticed.

"Yes Professor, I think I just need some rest that's all. I will pass this… illness soon."

"I'm sure the cause of your illness is not blood lost Mss. Beaumont. Have you been eating properly?" he asked regaining a professional tone.

She really didn't paid any attention to her eating habits "yes, Professor I believe I'm."

Snape raised an eyebrow to the ambiguity of her answer, but decided not to inquire further.

"You will be exempted from class for the rest of the day. I shall inform your teachers the reason of your absentee. I suggest you take the time to rest, if you still feel ill afterwards you should go to the infirmary. I will accompany you to the common room, let us be off."

"Professor I'm sure I can handle going to the common room by myself, I will not like to bother you. Besides you have done enough for me already. Thanks." And she left not giving him a chance to argue.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

**Snape****'s point of view:**

"I'm terribly sorry Professor… is just that I'm not feeling rather well this morning." She said, shaking.

'This girl is shaking. What can possibly be the cause of this?' it is not blood lost he stood up and approached her for a better examination. 'But why am I doing this if she feels ill she can surely go to the hospital wing.' He touched her forehead anyways, to see if she had a fever, at that instant she trembled tremendously and suddenly her legs gave away. He reacted quickly and got hold of her. He felt as she felled into his chest, and something stirred inside of him, but he was more worried about the girl's wellbeing than of his own.

She looked at him and that same something stirred again inside of him, but he couldn't think about what it was because she lost her strength once again and he decided to sit her in a chair. The next thing he knew was that he gave her the day off, and offered himself to take her to the common room. She decline and before he could say anything she was gone.

'Well, if she could stand up and leave so fast she wasn't feeling that bad then.' 'What in the world just happened to me?' 'If I'm not mistaken I just offered to take the girl to her common room, what the hell was I thinking… no, that was precisely it, I wasn't thinking at all was I?' 'Thanks heaven she declined…'

'That isn't what you really feel you are worried you wanted to take her upstairs to ensure her safe arrival.'

'Why would I be worried, I'm sure it's her own fault that she is feeling sick.'

'That doesn't make you worry any less.'

'Oh God I have an awful headache. Is this girl responsible of causing me so much trouble?'

'What was that that I felt when I held her in my arms, and when I looked into her eyes? What was that feeling?'

'Oh no!, NO!, do not dare to keep asking does kinds of questions you are going to end up with a severe headache and you do know you do not want to know the answer them.'

'But I believe you already know the answer.'

He took a jar of something that was on his desk and threw it to the wall. It made him feel a lot better.

'I will not loose control like that ever again. I have spent all my life shielding, masking, and even throwing away my emotions, there is no reason to not do the same once again with this… this… confusion.

He started correcting papers to keep his mind occupied.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

**Original POV:**

As Mirielle walked further and further from the dungeons she realized she felt better and better. Her stomach stop shrinking and the shaking was beginning to calm down. She arrived to the common room and headed towards her bed. She laid down but found out she couldn't sleep. She started thinking about the cause of her illness.

Why had it disappeared so suddenly? Was she hexed? It couldn't be, professor Snape would had noticed if it was a hex.

Suddenly she felt her stomach shrinking once again as she recalled how the Professor approached her to inquire further on her wellbeing. She suddenly realized that her state was caused by Snape's presence.

'That must mean that I'm………………. under a spell, probably cause by him to feel sick while I'm around him. No, that can't be it, he would not do that, for what purpose? It makes no sense, besides he can accomplish that without the use of magic if he really wants to, and if someone else had done it I know he would had noticed, I'm sure.'

'Am I feeling like this when he is around, by my own will… well I wouldn't say that, is not that I chose to feel ill when he is around.'

She started to feel angry with herself, how could she possibly let anyone influence her that much?

'But still, why am I feeling this way?'

'If he has such effect on me is because…… I……. feel grateful right? Or it's probably because I revealed to much of my feelings to him and I feel nervous around him because that was something I had never done before.'

'Damn, this whole situation is confusing. I will just have to get over this "fear" or what ever it is, what is done is done and I can't do anything about it.'

She decided to get some sleep.

When she woke up it was already time for dinner, she wasn't really hungry, but if Professor Snape had suggested that the cause of her illness was an eating disorder she was willing to deal with the situation so she decided to go to the Great Hall.

She exited the portrait hole and saw Snape striding down the hall, his black robes swishing. Apparently he heard her because he turned around.

"Is everything alright Professor? What are you doing here?" said Mirielle, her stomach shrinking yet again, and she was feeling pretty angry with herself.

"It's obvious that I'm here Mss. Beaumont to inquire further on your health." Hissed Snape sounding a bit to annoyed, apparently more at himself than at Mirielle.

Mirielle was oddly stung by his tone of voice.

"Im sorry I worried you Professor…"

"I was not worried Mss. Beaumont, I was merely complying with my duty as…"

"It doesn't matter if you were doing it because it was your job as a Teacher, the point is you asked, and to do that worry has to be some were in there." said Mirielle calmly but for some reason she was kind of angry.

"I was not…"

"Its ok Professor, I don't want to discus this any further. As an answer to your question, I'm feeling much better thanks for asking." She said, annoyance clearly present. Without another word she walked down the hallway leaving Snape behind.

He just stood there with a confused look.

'What's wrong with her all of a sudden?' he asked himself annoyed, as he headed to the dungeons once again.

Mirielle was walking towards the Great Hall and for some reason unknown to her, she felt very angry.

'What? He just came to ask you how you were…'

'Yes but it's none of his business.'

'It's his duty as your teacher.'

'That is precisely it…'

'What? You want him to care?'

Her eyes widen at that realization.

'No, it can't be that I don't need anyone. Augh, Damn I'm so confused. What is the matter with me? I have never been uncertain about anything in my life…'

The more she thought about it the more confused she was so she decided not to think about the situation anymore.

She ate a little, she had apparently lost the little appetite she had had, and went to take a bath and get some rest. The mental discussion she had earlier apparently drain her from all the energy she had acquired.


	6. Chapter 4

**Cha****pter 4: ****Realization **

The next day Mirielle had another advance lesson with Snape she decided to control what ever it was that was possessing her to act the way she did in front of him. What she didn't know was that it was easier said than done. She had spend the whole day mentally preparing herself, but she notice that she didn't know what the emotion was so there was nothing she could do to suppress it because she didn't knew what was it that she had to control.

That day passed with nothing that was worth telling. It was just a normal school day. She had dinner and after that she gathered her stuff and headed to the dungeons. She got to Snape's classroom door and knocked.

"Enter"

Mirielle entered the classroom and saw Snape correcting some papers. What ever she had done through out the day to try and control herself was not working. She felt how everything inside of her constricted.

"The instructions to the potion you will be brewing tonight are on the black board, the moment you get to direction number four you should inform me, I will be aiding you with the rest of the steps from then onward." He told her as he continued to correct the papers without looking up.

Mirielle sat in a chair in the middle of the classroom as always and started brewing the potion. Step number two stated that she should let the potion in the heat for ten minutes. She took the time, and she waited. After awhile she caught herself staring at her Dark Potions Master. She didn't want to think about why she was doing that because she knew that her reasoning would stop her from staring at him. But she couldn't help herself.

'Ok, I'll admit that you are staring, but why?'

'Because I find him intriguing…'

' No no, I knew it, stop it right there or you are going to be so lost in thought and so confused that you are going to end up messing the potion and I believe Professor Snape would be extremely displeased.'

For once she knew what to do, apparently blocking away the fact that she was in the same room with Snape help her calm down and focus.

The ten minutes of waiting were done, she finished step number three and the time to call the Professors assistance came and as she realized that all her symptoms came crushing back, the best she was able to do was control her shaking. When she did she called the professor.

"Professor I'm done with step number three."

"Very well." Snape said. He stood up and went to were Mirielle was sitting down. He waved his wand and made a chair move right besides Mirielle's desk and he took a sit.

Mirielle's heart was now beating extremely fast but she thought it was better not to think of the reason that was happening.

"Now Mss. Beaumont, read step number four and tell me what ingredient can substitute the one stated to achieve better results and why." said Snape.

Mirielle read the instruction trying to focus on the task at hand rather than on how close her Professor was and of the pleasant scent he was emanating.

"I think Professor that salamander eyes would be better than lizard eyes because salamanders are more sensitive to light giving the potion a delicate taste." said Mirielle.

"Well done." said Snape.

Mirielle took the salamander eyes but Snape interrupted her just when she was about to add them to the potion.

"Mss. Beaumont, do you remember what the other ingredients were?" Snape asked

Mirielle's eyes widen in realization.

"Exactly, so you have to add something before the salamander eyes or the reaction the potion is going to make will most likely kill us. I think I told you before we started this lessons that the potions we were going to deal with were going to be extremely dangerous." said Snape.

Mirielle added aconite and then the salamander eyes, she was amazed to see the extent of Snape's knowledge. The lesson continued in a similar manner. They discussed various improvements made to the potion, and she would correct it.

In those moments Snape wasn't busy giving her instructions he would just watch her work. To his growing annoyance he could feel his heart racing, and he often found himself staring at her beautiful hair, or at her fragile hands, and noticing how lovely her flowery scent smelled, when he darn well knew he should be watching out for any mistakes the girl might commit. By now he was furious with himself

'Are you mental? She is a child for crying out loud. You can be her father.' He thought to himself but he couldn't help it. He felt the impulse of cutting the lesson short he had to get away from her, he didn't like the feeling she was making him experience.

'What has this girl done to you? You are even afraid to be around her. What? Are you afraid of finding out you might feel attraction?' He raised a hand to his head apparently denial made him experience the strongest headache he had ever experienced.

"I believe we are done Professor." Mirielle said as she turned to look at her professor. When she did she saw Snape raising a hand to his head.

"Are you feeling alright?" asked Mirielle as she saw the ill expression on Snape's face.

She was genuinely worried.

"Yes Mss. Beaumont quite alright, now I will ask you to leave my classroom and not to meddle further in my affairs." Hissed Snape in a cutting tone hoping the girl would just leave.

To Mirielle he sounded as if he were exasperated and angry at the same time. She couldn't possibly know that Snape was angry at himself and not at her, so she had the sensation of been punched in the stomach by his sudden reaction and, instead of feeling frightened at Snape cutting tone, she felt angry. What the hell had she done wrong for him to treat her as a disturbance? She stood up from her chair and faced her Professor.

"Well excuse me Professor for worrying about your wellbeing, remind me next time I try to do something nice not to because you are going to behave like a jerk." Mirielles eye widen as she realized what she had just said, were in the world she took the courage to insult the most feared teacher of all Hogwarts history? But she wasn't going to back up now she was still angry.

Snape stood up as well and glared, his eyes gleaming. His headache had turned into anger. He gloomed over her and she realized how small she was and how tall he was in contrast.

"Who do you think you are talking to Mss. Beaumont?" said Snape in a low and dangerous voice, taking a step toward her, but the girl didn't step back as his students usually did.

"I know perfectly well who I am talking to _Professor, _but you came close to biting my head off because I asked about your health. Even if you are my teacher I'll not allow you to treat me as you just did, and if you think I'm not behaving properly I will accept any consequences my actions may bring." Mirielle said calmly but narrowing her eyes and glaring at her Professor, as she refused to pay any attention how weak her body was feeling right now.

Snape raised an eyebrow, his anger vanished. He wasn't able to intimidate her in the least and that surprised him. Besides, was she just able to calm his anger without any words of apologies? She was being disrespectful and he just wasn't angry at her. This girl was something else.

"I won't apologize and I don't expect you to do so either, so if there is not anything else you will like to say, you may leave." Said Snape emotionless.

"That is it no, detention, not even points taken?"

"Yes Mss. Beaumont that is it. Now, I suggest you leave before I change my mind." said Snape, patience running out.

Mirielle didn't argue further, she gathered her stuff and exited the room leaving Snape alone.

'What is this girl doing to me?' he asked himself feeling his headache returning.

He decided to patrol the corridors to let his frustration on some one unlucky enough to be caught by him violating the curfew.

Mirielle was headed to her room. She took a bath and then laid down. She was not angry with Snape anymore, so she found herself thinking of what had happened before the argument. She remembered everything she felt when she was staring at her professor while he was correcting papers. She could feel her heart racing even now.

'Why do I feel this way when I think about him?'  
She remembered how she felt when he took a chair beside her and her heart was about to pop out of her chest as she realized how close they were from one another for that long.

'Oh no! Oh shit! No, no it can't be…' 'I'm in love with him????'

She started thinking about the deepness of his eyes, remembering the velvety sound of his voice, how strong his hands were, and how pleasant his smell was. She realized how sexy she thought he truly was. She could feel the heat in her cheeks. She was embarrassed to admit that she was in love, even if it was just to herself.

'I knew I was odd but I never had realized up to which extent… you are in love with a much older, bad tempered, paled skinned, greasy haired git, and he is no more and no less than your Professor.' 'What a huge mess.' She sighed.

Her heart sank when she realized that the object of her affection was indeed Snape.

'He will never in a million years return my feelings; once again fate has shown me its cruel side, now that I'm in love it will turn out to be unrequited love.'

'Who cares? The last thing I need is to have feelings for anyone. The more I care the more I have to loose, and I'm just fine the way I'm, right? I can control this, who said I couldn't. The person that said one couldn't control one's the heart obviously didn't know me so there for didn't know what he was talking about.'

She decided to burry her newly found love deep within, and she fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: ****A rainy night**

The days passed and Mirielle realized she was not succeeding in discarding her feelings for Snape. She often caught herself noticing different aspects of him. Like the elegant way he had of walking, and the movements of his hands, they were the thing she liked most about him. She also loved listening to his different tones of voice, and seeing the different menacing looks he could give with his ever deep eyes. But that didn't make her happy; yes for some reason she had stop cutting, probably because she was now being true to her emotions, but, to her ever growing annoyance, she felt sad knowing that he would never think of her as she thought of him.

It was already night time and she decided to take a walk in the moonlight. It was raining outside so she got really wet but she didn't mind it was not cold, and she loved to get wet with the rain. She was calmly walking around the lake and she was getting close to the forbidden forest. She started spinning and having fun with the puddles the rain was making, she didn't really had a childhood so this was how she subconsciously compensated that lost time.

She was busy having fun and for that reason she didn't notice that Snape had just exited to the grounds as well. He was headed to the forbidden forest to look for potion ingredients. He often did it while it was raining because most of the wild animals were shielding themselves from the rain and that way he could spend more time looking for ingredients than fighting them off. As he approached the forbidden forest he saw a moving figure. As he got closer he realized it was Mirielle and his heart was pounding really fast. He thought she was a fallen angel under the rain, the moonlight was illuminating her body and her wet hair was nicely cascading down in her back and when she turned around he noticed it look much better surrounding her beautiful moonlight-illuminated face. She didn't notice he was there; he got control of himself and walked straight into the forest.

He spend two hours looking for the ingredients he was missing, and the image of her dancing under the rain just didn't left his mind. Meanwhile she was sitting close to the lake just watching the view. She decided she had been out too long and decided to take one last walk around the lake and head back.

She was walking absentmindedly and she was really close to the forbidden forest and suddenly something came out from it and she bumped into that something with a gasp, she didn't knew what it was so she was really scared. She looked up and saw it was Professor Snape.

He was looking down at her and their eyes met. A shiver ran down her spine. She saw how the moonlight illuminated his face, and how his hair shined. She noticed his sensual lips and bitted her own. She saw as he lowered his gaze to see the way she bitted them and the way she sooth them with her tongue. She could feel his heart pounding against her and her heart was not behaving any differently. Their faces were moving closer to each other.

Suddenly she took a step back and that action broke the trance between them. She was blushing, and didn't knew what came over her.

"First Mss. Beaumont, you should watch were you are going; second, may I ask what are you doing out here so late?" he asked.

"Sorry for bumping into you Professor, and well… I came out for a walk and apparently I lost track of the time. I shall head for the castle now. Do you want any help with that bag?" she asked trying to change the subject.

He looked at the bags with the different ingredients and for some reason he accepted her help and handed her a couple. They headed towards the castle and as they entered he cast a drying spell on both of them. They headed toward the dungeons, and were now in front of the classroom door.

"Thank you for your help Mss. Beaumont you may leave."

"What help? I haven't done anything. Let me help you put away the ingredients."

He didn't wanted her close any longer, but he accepted her help once again not knowing the reason of why he was actually accepting. He leaded her towards the place were he stored his ingredients. She saw they were organized alphabetically. She climbed a three step stair he had, he gave her the ingredients and she stored them. She stored the last ingredient and as she took a step to climb down she lost her balance and fell on top of Snape, bringing them both stumbling to the ground.

She landed on top of him her palms on each side of his head. She stared down at him and their eyes met once again. She was lost in the depth of his eyes. This time she couldn't control herself and lowered her head and touched Snape's lips with her own; soon after they were kissing.

She wanted something deeper and brushed her tongue against his bottom lip by instinct. He opened his mouth and darted his tongue inside of her mouth and as the kiss deepened she moaned. Mirielle had never kissed anyone before so this feeling was like heaven to her.

She suddenly realized what was happening and in the middle of the kiss she opened her eyes wide at the same time he broke the kiss pushing her off slightly, she stood up hastily, liking and then absentmindedly touching her swollen lips.

Snape stood up as well fixing his robes.

They both stood there looking at each other horrified.

"I'm sorry Professor, I didn't mean to…" she said her voice trembling

"What in the world is wrong with you, you stupid girl? I'm not about to be the recipient of a hormone crazed girl's misplaced passions." He hissed dangerously angry.

Instead of hurting or frightening her, those words made Mirielle extremely angry.

Without warning Mirielle raised her hand and slapped Snape in the face.

Soon after her eyes flew wide and she raised the hand to her mouth, as Snape flinched back as she raised her hand in that manner again.

"Why do I always do that?" She asked out loud

"Apparently you are an extremely short tempered person." said Snape glaring at her.

Mirielle looked at him and returned the glare.

"You deserved it. You have no right to call me stupid no matter what the situation might have been. And what do you mean by hormone crazed? You are making it sound as if I were a female dog during her period… in case you didn't know that is extremely insulting." she said and even though she was as angry as she have ever been she didn't raised her voice, but it sounded really dangerous.

"Mss. Beaumont do, you realized you just slapped a Teacher?" asked Snape in a dangerous low voice.

Mirielles eyes narrowed as she took a step towards Snape saying:

"In case you didn't noticed… I… don't …care." She said with an air of 'I have a feeling I'm about to do it again.' "That is the least of my worries now I mean I just kiss…" she suddenly stop as she remembered.

She raised a hand to her forehead and looked at her Professor. Then without warning she burst out laughing really hard.

"Would you mind explaining what in the world has taken over you now?" said Snape not believing the situation he was just in. He had passed through impossibly weird and frightening situations but he had to admit he had never been involved in one as weird and as frightening as this one.

"It's just that you have my fingers marked all over your face. Besides, this is what I get for bottling up my emotions, I start changing from one to the other far too quickly and now I'm just laughing to keep myself from crying."

"You are one weird girl, you know that Mss. Beaumont?"

"Yes, but I feel way better now that it's coming from you."

"Are we being sarcastic now?" he said raising an eyebrow still glaring at her.

She smiled and he felt himself get all warmed up inside.

'Wait this girl just SLAPPED you and you are not even angry?' he realized he wasn't and he was amazed by the gift of this girl she certainly had the awesome ability to change his moods as quickly as she changed hers.

"Professor…" she said now sounding worried.

"I'm sorry I forced you to kiss me, and I'm also sorry I slapped you. I was out of place in both occasions and you really have every right to be angry at me. I'm not sure what got over me, I just now that I'm really confused and that I'm really sorry."

Snape felt his old bad-tempered self recovering.

"Clearly Mss. Beaumont you have absolutely no self control and you acted accordingly."

"Please Professor, do not say another word because I will end up losing my temper again and I'm afraid as to what it may come to… I just want to forget all about it." and she left in a hurry.

He stood there staring at the door she just closed. This girl had his heart racing the entire time she was near him. Even when she slapped him, she did it with such furious passion that he couldn't help feel drawn to her. He sighed furiously.

'Why in the world did you kiss her? You should have pushed her away immediately.' 'On top of it you let her get away with slapping you; you just let a student disrespect you in that manner.' 'I will speak the matter with her tomorrow.'

Mirielle got to her bed after a quick bath, and threw herself in it and started to cry, for the first time in years. She really didn't wanted that to happen. Now Professor Snape knew how she felt and he would probably treat her differently. Besides, what was probably the most wonderful feeling she had ever felt was inside that kiss and she knew that will be the last time she would experience it. He surely hated her now. She had never felt this kind of pain before, it was shame mixed with hopelessness and the feeling of being lost as to what to do, and she didn't liked it in the least. She was really confused. She knew she should act as if nothing had happened, but she didn't want to forget. She felt asleep thinking that she had potion class next morning and she really wished otherwise.


	8. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: ****Consequences**

A/N: I'm really sorry for the delay I have no serious excuse except I was kind of busy. My thanx to the ones that reviewed, glad u liked it, I'm really writing this for you three now as well as for my enjoyment ^_^.

Mirielle woke up next morning, and she couldn't feel any worst. All she wanted was to stay in her room and not to see the outside world any more, but she had to get up and go to her feared potion class, she wouldn't dare be late.

She headed to the dungeons without eating anything, she didn't really had an appetite. It was time to enter the classroom so she did and took a sit way back. It took the professor two seconds to enter the room. As usual he gave the brief instructions to the students and sat behind his desk without another word.

Mirielle didn't look at him the whole time she was there, and she knew the Professor was doing everything in his power to ignore her, but she obviously felt uneasy, and her 'symptoms' were annoyingly present. The class came to an end, her peers were leaving the dungeons, but before she was able to escape she heard the Potions Professor's voice.

"Mss. Beaumont a word with you, please." Said Snape without looking up from what he was doing.

She suddenly felt real cold as she walked towards the Professors desk.

"Yes, Professor?" said Mirielle not showing fear or any of the numerous things she was feeling.

"Due to the behavior you displayed yesterday, you will be serving detention tonight with Filtch at 8:00 P.M. Have a good day." Said Snape without any emotion, and without looking up.

Mirielle decided not to say a word and left.

……………………………………………………………………………….

She went to the rest of the day lost at to what was going to happen next. Night came and she had to serve detention with Filtch. When she got there, a letter was left behind by Filtch saying that he had to attend to an emergency caused by Peeves and that she would have to serve detention with Snape, he also asked her to apologize for him with the professor.

Her stomach shrank, she shut her eyes, and sighed 'Oh, damn, this is just great.

What did I do to deserve this?'

'Oh I dunno maybe kiss and slap a teacher' '

Oh, shut the bloody hell up.'

She headed to the dungeons she didn't even know if he would be there, why was she heading down there anyways? Who would know she didn't attend detention? But before she could back away she had already knocked on the door. She was hopping there was no answer.

"Come in." came the feared voice.

Mirielle opened the door and there he was behind his desk as usual correcting papers. He looked up.

"Miss. Beaumont, I think your sense of hearing is deficient, I told you your detention was with Filtch." Sneered Snape annoyed.

"Thankfully no professor, my sense of hearing is ok as well as my eyesight cause that was what allowed me to read a note left behind by Mr. Filtch saying that he was unable to comply with detention and for me to go down here and report to you as well as to give you an apology in his name." Said Mirielle not knowing were this defying tone came from.

He glared at her. 'damn what was he supposed to do now, he didn't have anything prepared, beside the last thing he wanted to was to deal with the girl at least for another

day…'

"Well Miss Beaumont, you will be writing some lines because I do not have anything else prepared. You will be writing: 'I shall not be disrespectful to a teacher' I suggest you begin." He said icily.

Mirielle took a sit and began writing. There was a deep, deep silence. Snape was really uncomfortable with the situation. He couldn't stop thinking of what happened the night before, what really was bothering him, even if he didn't wanted to admit it, was the reason for the girl acting the way she did.

"Miss. Beaumont, may I know the reasons of your actions from yesterday?" Said Snape without thinking and now he felt he wanted to give himself a black eye.

Mirielle was looking down to what she was writing when the question was launched to her. She went pale and her eyes widen. 'he probably thinks it was a teenager impulse, and you should stick with that version it less awkward than the I'm in love one…'

"Which of the two, professor?" She said trying to give herself some time to think or something.

"The… what you did after you clumsily felled from the stairs." He snapped not able to put the words: when-you-kissed-me together.

The memory of what happened blasted back into her mind along with what she felt. She felt all warmed up inside and couldn't think clearly.

"Because I think I fell in love with you" Said Mirielle without thinking.

She felt horrified, her eyes flew wide and she covered her moth with her hands. She looked at her professor. She had no idea what her face at that moment look like but she thought that if she was going to imagine it, it would look much like how Snape's face was looking at that instant. He looked extremely horrified.

"What the hell do you know about love? How can you possibly believe and impulse can be defined as love? And if that situation is to be defined it would not pas the category of an infatuation. Why the hell do you decide to torment me with a revelation such as that?" Hissed Snape quietly and angrily.

"It is true professor I know nothing of love, I have never felt it before, but it has to be that otherwise I wouldn't be so affected I'm not a person that is overcome by her emotions easily. If it isn't love then I would be able to control it. If it isn't love then I wouldn't be shaking every time I'm around you. My heart wouldn't skip every time it hears your voice. My stomach wouldn't shrink every time you are near me. I wouldn't notice your way of walking or the way your hands move. How deep your eyes are and how extremely beautiful your voice is. I wouldn't feel dazed by your scent. And finally I would be able to get you out of my mind." Said Mirielle figuring out she had nothing else to loose.

Snape was shocked, horrified, and to Mirielles surprise… he was… blushing?

"You are clearly just confused. I suggest you take this out of your mind…"

"Didn't you get what I just said, sir? I can't do it; believe me I have tried already."

Snape sighed and stood up, in one swift and rapid movement got to Mirielle's desk banged the palm of his hand in it. Mirielle had to lower her eyes and focused on the desk but her eyes were drawn to his hands, to her annoyance.

"What the bloody hell do you want from me girl? I can be your father, I'm your teacher. Haven't you thought of that?"

He kept on ranting but right now Mirielle was not thinking in anything at all, she was feeling a lot of things she had not felt before, even with the present situation. She forgot what they were talking about. She was only aware of the Professors breath touching her skin and again smelled the sour sweet scent he let off. She was shaking once again she felt weak and she lost her breath. She looked up and looked at her professor.

At that instant Snape forgot what he was saying and felled in the trance. She looked so beautifully fragile. Her smell and the loveliness of her hair didn't escape him before but now that she was looking at his eyes, the spell was a hundred times stronger. He wanted to touch the hair that was framing her face. He slowly lowered his head and raised his hand to her face, to kiss her. His heart was racing and hers was no different. He was merely an inch from her face; he could feel her breath in his face. But before he could kiss her he backed up hastily. He stood straight and hissed.

"I have more important things to do that to deal with a teenager's infatuation. You have work to do, keep writing lines until its eleven o'clock and then you may leave. See you tomorrow at six." Then he strode to the door and left.

After Mirielle listened to him and he left she realized what had just happened. 'He was about to kiss you, that must mean he feels attracted to you.' 'That doesn't necessarily mean that he loves me.' 'Why do you always need to be so pessimistic? Something is something.' She sighed. She couldn't believe it, her dark, mature, much older potions professor was attracted to her. She couldn't help but feel happy and scared as to what was going to happen next. He will surely act as if nothing happened, but she didn't want to let this just pass by. She decided she wouldn't let it just go and that next time she would ask him what he felt even if it sounds stupid, she didn't care anymore, she had nothing to loose. She had never been happy in her whole life and she knew that Snape, even if he wasn't the happiest person in the world, was her happiness. And she was willing to fight for it.

She finished her lines and went to the common room took a bath and went to sleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Snape left the classroom and went into his private living room. He threw himself in a chair close to the fire place and covered his face with his hands.

'What came over me?'

'What had the bloody girl done to me?'

'Was I just about to kiss her?' he started thinking of her and something stirred inside of him. He conjured up a bottle of fire whiskey and started drinking.

'I can't possibly love her in return; she is a girl for crying out loud, she can be my daughter.'

'But she isn't.'

'Oh shut the bloody hell up, she is your student, so little so vulnerable, so beautifully fragile and strong at the same time… oh what on earth am I saying?

'I'm an old rotten bastard there is no way I can be… in… love…'

'But then why was I barely able to restrain myself from kissing her?'

'Why do I feel so weak? I'm shaking, I could barely stand, I can't control myself when I'm around her.'

'For crying out loud the girl has taken over me, look I'm even getting drunk because of her, how did I let this happen?'

'I will put an end to it now; this can't keep on like this.' He thought and threw the empty bottle to the fire. He managed to take a bath and got to sleep.

A/N: yeah another one… :). I will try to update once a week but I won't promise anything. I'm in college and they are giving me lots of work. Anyways if you want to see what Mirielle looks like message me, e-mail is on my profile, and I will show u a pic. ^_^.


	9. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: ****Strong Enough**

'Love - a wildly misunderstood, although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker… Yeah!!! That was my exact description of love… I still think it is a malfunction of the heart, but I now agree it is highly desirable.'

Mirielle sighed. She had advance potions lesson that night again, and although she was certain the day before that she was going to ask Professor Snape how he felt, now she was not so sure. She kept thinking about it all through the morning, through classes, all through diner, and it was finally time for her to head to the dungeons and she did not know what to do. So she decided not to talk to him at all until she was sure, just incase another of those wretched impulses of 'saying-what-she-felt' took over. She gathered her stuff and as always headed for the dungeons at six.

She knocked on the door.

"Come in" Said an expected dreaded voice.

Mirielle entered the classroom, sat at her usual place and took out the things she needed to start a potion. When she looked towards the board, were the written instructions usually were, she saw that it was empty.

'Of all days he decides today is the day he is not going to write anything in the chalkboard. Why I ought to…' thought Mirielle exasperated as she sighed.

"Um… Professor… What will you have me do today?" She asked resigned

"Today we are going to be doing something different Ms. Beaumont." Snape said looking at her for the first time that day. She realized he had a malicious glint in his eyes.

"You shall be drinking a potent, yet slow, poison that I myself brew. Your goal is to find the antidote before it claims your life." Continued Snape.

"I suppose that having a bezoar will have no effect, correct?" She asked.

Snape glared at her. "You are taking advanced lessons, Ms. Beaumont. Do not think it's going to be that easy." He said as he took two bottles out of his robes and put it on his desk. "One, you will drink, the other is for you to work with."

Mirielle stood up and walked towards the desk. She took the poison, removed the stopper and smelled it, then she look at it. She didn't recognized what it was. She looked at Snape, who was waiting for her to drink the venom, and again she saw that malicious glint. She looked him in the eyes and drank the poison defiantly.

As Snape watched her drink the poison, he, to his annoyance, had to fight to not lower his gaze and stare at her throat and neck as the venom went through it. After she finished, she took the other bottle and returned to her desk. She already felt the effects of the venom, but it only made her feel weak.

'Thanks Merlin I already took the cauldron out' she thought.

She poured the contents of the bottle in the cauldron, and if she were going to follow Golpalott's Third Law, she had to decipher the different ingredients the poison had and look for the particular antidote of each ingredient.

An hour and a half passed, and even though it didn't incommode her before, the cold of the dungeon was almost unbearable. She was shaking, her vision was blurry, the nauseas were terrible, and her body felt it had bruises all over.

While she was working Snape kept watch over her, because he had to of course, and he saw she was doing a wonderful job. He was upset at the fact that she seem to have no problems brewing the antidote. He wanted to make her suffer for all the headaches he had gone through by her account, but all the signs she showed that the poison was having any effects on her was just a light shaking. She had not whined about anything at all, which was what he expected her to do, as the poison was really painful.

Mirielle expected to be finished in an hour but she hoped she lasted that long. She felt she was going to pass out at any moment, but she was not going to give Professor Snape the satisfaction of seen how worried she was. Her symptoms were still the same but they were more intense. But the one that bothered her most was the excruciating cold, now she felt as if knifes were entering her body. Then suddenly she felt as one of those knifes penetrated her head and everything went black.

At that moment Snape had forced himself to grade papers and to not pay attention to the wretched girl. When he suddenly heard something drop. To his horror Mirielle was laying on the floor.

'The poison was not to cause that effect for another seventy five minutes.' He thought horrified as he hastily rose from his desk.

He got to her with the antidote he had prepared just incase the girl was to fail, opened her moth and made her drink it. But she should have opened her eyes instantly. He examined her closely. Her skin had a greenish color he could not see from his desk. Her lips and tongue were blue, and he tried to examine her pupils but as they were dark brown he had to use his wand light to see that they were completely dilated. The poison had already gone through all her body; it was in an advance state already. The antidote he gave her was not to cure from the poison but to stop it from spreading. It was impossible for her to have lasted that long, and it was also impossible that the poison had spread so quickly.

'How could I be so stupid? The temperature is inappropriate. How could I have forgotten it causes the venom to spread faster?'

He was suddenly feeling sick, even though the antidote would help, it was not going to clear her body from it, the venom was extremely rare and it had no real antidote when it spread that far. He took her in his arms and headed for the hospital wing hoping not to find a student in his way.

When he got there he placed her at a bed, conjured a screen all around her bed for privacy and called Madam Pomfrey. She came and was surprised to see Professor Snape.

"What happened to her Professor?" Asked Madam Pomfrey outraged as she saw Mirielle.

"She had an assignment… and I did not keep close watch." He answered almost breathless.

"I kept telling Dumbledore that one of these days your habit of poisoning the students would go wrong but he did not listen. I even warned you Severus and you ignored me."

"This is not the time, Poppy." He snapped. "She drank the poison called Tardusamnis, and it spread through her body rapidly due to the cold temperature of the dungeons. I gave her the only know antidote, but it does not work as it should when it has advanced this much." He said rapidly without breathing.

Madam Pomfrey gave him a murderous look before heading towards her office. She came back with a blanket, to which she cast a spell to produce heat, and with a bottle of Validus, to slow the spread and hopefully to at least help her battle against the venom.

"That is everything I can do for her." Huffed Madam Pomfrey as she glared at Snape.

"I shall stay with her Poppy." Said Snape and looked at her with a clear I-don't-want-to–argue-about-it look.

.

Madam Pomfrey glared at him one more time but said: "Very well" and headed to her office.

Snape took a sit beside Mirielle's bed. The color of her lips were not blue any more, but her skin was still a little green. He covered his face with his hands.

'I did not meant this to go this far. I'm a bloody bastard. I just wanted for her to go through a little pain... that way she might had probably stop feeling what she says she feels… for me.'

'Well you achieved your goal, if she makes it through this she is going to hate you, she will never want to see you again.'

Snape looked at her, and felt sick again.

He had been trying the past days to block away any feelings that might have possibly manifested, but at the state of the child, he felt it was save to at least admit he felt worried, that he cared.

Even if she was possibly dying and ill looking, Snape still found her extremely beautiful. If he was not who he was, he would be lying besides her, embracing her, in a futile attempt to keep her safe. But he felt contempt by just standing up and covering her better with the heated blanket. So he approached her, bended down, and as he did he could not repress the feeling of sadness that invaded him for what he had done. So he could not help himself, he lowered his head to kiss her, but just when he was about to, he quickly straighten himself up and threw himself back to the chair, again raising his hand to his face.

'You can barely restrain your self can't you? You are giving in way too easily, this is not who you are.'

He looked at her again watching as her breathing caused her middle body to raise and fall. He did not want to admit that he felt he could sit there and watch her forever. Snape stayed with her that night to watch for any changes in her condition as the next day was Saturday.

The following day Mirielle showed signs that she was successfully fighting against the venom. Madam Pomfrey checked her, her pupils were back to normal her tongue was not blue anymore, but her skin still had that greenish color. Dumbledore came by to check on Mirielle close to noon. He said that accidents happened and that he was grateful that Snape kept watch over her, "Who better than you to know what actions to take if anything else happens?" he said and left her at his care once again after awhile.

Snape just left her side that day to take a quick bath and came back after twenty minutes. Night came again and Mirielle showed no signs of waking up, so he stayed the entire night watching over her as she slept slowly trying to recover. He estimated her to be laying there for at least another week. So, no one expected her to be up that Sunday night.

She opened her eyes; blinking trying to remember why was she lying in a hospital bed when she suddenly remembered. She straightened up to a sited position in her bed and looked to the sides and spotted Snape. He was asleep in a chair beside her bed; she had to admit she was surprised to see him there.

She could not believe he had made her drink poison; did he hate her that much? She did not felt angry, but sad and hopeless because even after that, she looked at the man lying next to her and felt her heart beat painfully. His head was hanging lightly in a way that without doubt would cause a good neck pain so she took one of her own pillows and stood up to fix his neck. She tried not to wake him as she took his head with shaking hands and placed the pillow. As she did he moved slightly with a worried sleeping face and whisper something that sounded as an "I'm sorry".

Her insides stirred and she took a step backwards but lost her balance with a gasp at the sudden movement due to her weakened state. Suddenly, Snape's eyes darted open and hastily stood up and instinctively reached for her wrist and waist, with impossible speed, and pulled her towards his body to prevent her for falling. She suddenly felt how her body came in contact with his. She was shaking in his embrace looking at his loudly pounding chest.

He lowered his head a little and asked in a low groggy whisper, "Are you alright?"

She felt as he breathed the question close to her neck, and as a chill ran down her spine she answered "Yes" pushing herself away from his chest before she could loose her mind to all the emotions that were swirling through her. She had to inhale deeply to catch the breath that had left her body.

"I'm sorry Professor, I'm also sorry that I was not able to successfully make the antidote, and that because of that you are stuck here." She said sadly looking to the floor

Snape saw her sad expression and cursed as he raised a hand to lift her face until their eyes met, he hated to be the cause of her looking so miserable. He tried to say something but his nature did not let him say words of comfort or express and apology for what he made her go through. He also loathed the fact that the girl was making him care for her.

When Mirilles eyes met his, she could read the battle he was having with himself that did not let him say that he felt for her. She also saw the sadness and caring mixed in with despise and the numerous things he was feeling. She forced herself to look away. When she did he saw to his horror that the girl looked so pained, her eyes look so sad that it was better to see her crying than to see her like this.

"Professor, I am not strong enough. I stand here while you debate between the idea that you might possibly at least care for me, and between the feeling of hate you have towards me for making you feel." She whispered her voice breaking. "The truth is I hate myself for loving you as well. Before this, I did not have any problems with keeping my emotions at bay, but you make it impossible for me not to feel. I am just not strong enough and you just hate me for it. For been such a worthless pain."

Above all the emotions Snape was currently internally debating, the feeling of sorrow he felt, when he saw how dead Mirielle's eyes looked after she described exactly what he was feeling, was the one that was most present. So, he did not stop himself when he reached to put his hands around her and wrapped her in a protective embrace. She gasped at his sudden reaction. She put her arms around him as well wishing that time would just stop and for that moment to last for ever. She felt safe enough to let a couple of tears spill. Everything felt so right, so perfect. His heart beating against her ears, how his chest pushed against her as it raised and fell, the way he rested his cheek on the top of her head, his breath falling on her face, his sour sweet scent fooling her senses, and what made the whole thing perfect was how he was holding her so protectively. After a while he even started to comb his fingers through the hair that felled on her back, sending shivers through her body.

Glorious minutes passed this way. Then he raised his hand to her chin and tilted her face to look at him. With that same hand he wiped away the already drying tears. He found her face to be so beautiful, her eyes… the way they look… she was perfect. He lowered his head and brushed his lips slightly against hers whispering her name before he finally kissed her with a sigh, he felt a little relieved; he had finally let himself feel, even if it was for a short time. He parted his lips from hers only when breath was necessary to live, and straightened dropping his hands out of the embrace.

He settled his robes and sighed in an uncharacteristic low and sad voice, "You are indeed a pain, Ms. Beaumont, but you are certainly not worthless." Before stalking out of the hospital wing.

Mirielle felled to her knees feeling weak, her heart pounding fast, her lips still tingling, and renewed hope entering her body. She did not know what to do next, but she at least knew, even if he acted in a moment of weakness and confusion, that her potions professor returned her feelings.

A/N: Soooo, where was I??? Anyways, I want to thank you for reading, and thank my beta Naomisingerkitty. THNX A BUNCH!!!!!!


	10. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:****Excursion**

That morning Mirielle headed to her Potions class, and took a sit in the back as usual. She was going to pay attention to her Professor's reactions toward her after what happened. He entered the class and, as always, gave his short instructions. He made a point not to acknowledge Mirielle's presence. He was going around the classroom handing the last essay he assigned the students. She felt as he involuntarily stiffened slightly every time he passed by her. When he got to the point were he had to hand her the essay he hesitated a second before giving it back, without looking at her. She looked at the grade it was an 'O'. There was also a note:

_**Tomorrow night's lesson will not require your potion kit.**_

_**Bring your Dragon scale gloves. **_

_**S.S.**_

'Wow, he really wants to avoid me as much as possible doesn't he?'

She kept brewing the class potion until it was time to bottle it. She labeled it and stood up to put it on his desk. He was correcting papers when she approached him and saw his breath stop for a short period. Not long after she got to her desk, he dismissed the class.

……………………………………**..**

Next day went uneventful. Funny how she never realized how her life was so routine like. She just did not want to admit that the only thing she looked forward to now was the reason the rest of her life became a bit dull.

She took the gloves that were necessary for that night's lesson and headed towards the dungeon and knocked on the classroom door.

"Enter." Came his voice.

"Good evening Professor"

He was standing in the shadows behind his desk, back facing the door as he said "Today we shall be going to the forbidden forest. As it is raining, it will be safer. We are going to test your ingredient gathering techniques." After he finished he slowly turned around to face her.

As his deep dark eyes met hers she decided not to keep on the track he was intent on setting.

"So, that's it, isn't it? We are going to pretend that what happened didn't? She said her voice low and calm.

"It's forgotten." He said curtly.

Mirielle lowered her gaze to the floor, for a moment Snape thought the discussion was over but she said, "Forgotten, is it?", and walked around the desk that kept them apart until she came so close to him that he had to take a reflexive step back. Mirielle looked into his eyes again and he could se how hers burned with determination.

"Professor I do not think, nor will I let you make me believe…" She cut what she was saying to take another step towards him, as he took another step backwards to his rising annoyance. And she continued with a smile "…that I'm the only one affected by this closeness."

Snape glared at her, his eyes gleaming, took her shoulders and pinned her roughly to the nearest wall.

"Oh, God" came her surprised whisper, as she turned her gaze sideways to the floor. She was taking short rapid breathes and her heart was pounding.

He lowered his hands but kept her still with just his eyes. Mirielle's legs were trembling but not out of fear, but from the dominance he had projected over her. He was equally affected but by how overpowered she looked. But he ignored that feeling.

"Do you really think I'm going to pay attention to the ramblings of a child that presumes to know what I feel? This is not a game Miss Beaumont…" he stopped what he was saying to glare at her when he saw Mirielle smile to the floor.

"You have no idea how much I would like this was just a game, Professor, and I believe you would love it to be true as well. But to be honest, and I am sorry to break your hopes; I am affected so much by you that my legs can hardly hold me. I am willing to bet your position is not any different. I have heard how your voice trembles almost unnoticeably every time you speak to me. I felt how your hands shake slightly as you backed me up against the wall. And I can hear how every time you are near me…" as she said this she raised a hand and placed it on top of his chest "… your heart thunders in here."

When she placed her hand on him, he gave a small shudder and backed away. Snape looked at her with a face of total disgust and anger for what she was saying, even if he repeated his denial, it still was not far from the truth.

She took the space Snape put between them as an opportunity to head to the door. She had to get away from him for a moment. Her body was behaving in a weird way; it felt sensitive, tingly, and hot, even in the cold dungeons. When Mirielle got to the door, he spoke so she turned to face him.

"Do you really think I would actually come to care for some one like you?" he snarled sounding rude and disgusted by the idea, his eyes gleaming as he looked at her.

"Don't we have a pending lesson?" she said, ignoring his last remark.

Snape glared at her but nodded. He grabbed his protective gloves from the top of his desk as Mirielle conjured up a dark red ribbon. She pulled her hair up to tie it and he saw as her hair grazed her neck as she worked with it. Mirielle turned to look at him and saw as he looked at her.

"You know, sir? It will be difficult to take your words seriously if you stare at me… like that."

Snape watched as she walked out the door, glaring at her back. It took everything in his power to not loose control again. 'I have to agree with Dumbledore now; love, or at least things that are mixed with it, are definitely the strongest magic I have worked against.' He said angry with himself. 'I have gone through many difficult and dark moments, and I have survived… Still I rather go against all of them a hundred times than to go through this.' He thought and he followed her out the dungeon door.

Mirielle was waiting for him at the entrance hall leaning against the door. Snape arrived so she straightened up and opened the door and he followed her. As he said it was raining as they headed to the forbidden forest.

The school robes felt heavy and kind of stuck to her body, it was really cold out so it was uncomfortable. Her hair also got wet and it was sticking to her neck, a fact Snape didn't miss. 'This is going to be a long night' he thought as he sighed.

She was very skilled at finding plants between the wild weed. Snape noticed that she had the ability of finding animals in the most uncommon places and that even if she was a girl she was not squeamish. She found a lizard took it, killed it, took its eyes, legs, heart, and tail without giving it another thought and kept walking. She danced around the forest gracefully, as if it were in her nature finding plants and slaughtering animals in this dangerous place. They kept at it for a while. She identified and collected the ingredients and handed them to her Professor for him to put it in the bags he brought.

They got to a place were there was a good amount of wolfs bane when Snape heard a noise and stop on his tracks. Mirielle noticed it too and took out her wand without making any noise, and went to stand by Professor Snape. They stood back-to-back for protection on both sides. When suddenly something came out from the bushes on Mirielle's side. She used a non-verbal shielding charm, and soon after, casted the spell Petrificus Totalus without uttering a word. When Snape turned to see what was happening, to his surprise, the girl was already taking out a bottle and was about to kneel to collect the creatures fang venom.

When she finished she said, "Not as good as an adult's Acromantula venom but this will be useful for some potions. Don't Acromantulas hunt in groups?"

"Yes they do, this one was not hunting it was probably scared by some creature, we better leave, we don't want to be involved in an unnecessary fight."

They went back, Mirielle had no difficulty moving in the forest so they were out in no time. They kept on walking side by side and as she came to think about it, it felt kind of nice feeling the rain under the moon walking close to the lake with him. In fact it felt perfect she could not imagine it any other way as she did not saw him as a hand in hand, cuddling type of person, and thinking about it she would not want him to be like that.

"What are you staring at girl?" snapped Snape rudely as he stopped walking.

"I was just thinking how nice it is to walk with you on this beautiful evening." She said with a smile.

He glared at her so she added, "Well, you asked, didn't you?", shrugging and without loosing her smile.

She kept on walking ahead of him. Snape closed his eyes shook his head and took a deep breath. When he opened them again he wished otherwise because when his eyes landed on her moonlight illuminated figure, he could see how the wet clothes took the shape of her body and how she moved her hips as she walked.

They got to the castle she performed a drying spell to herself and when Snape arrived he did the same thing.

"You want help putting these away?" Mirielle asked smiling and when he gave her a questioning look she added, "Don't worry; it is not likely for the same thing to happen twice.", and headed for the dungeons.

When they got there Snape unlocked the door and she headed to the cupboard where he stored his ingredients. When she finished she came down from the small ladder and looked around to see he was not in the room. As she walked out to the classroom she bumped once again with her Potions Master, burying her nose in his robes, willingly taking in his scent, her legs feeling weak. She was so dazed that she did not felt as her hair let itself loose as the ribbon felled from it.

As Mirielle's hair cascaded down, Snape got a strong hit of its lovely smell, which now he realized smelled lightly of Gardenias. He slowly baked away dizzy by the rush of emotions that he was trying to control as they went through him.

"Will you stop doing that girl?" he snapped.

"Is not as if I were doing it on purpose." She answered trying to free her head from all the cloudiness. She felt quite annoyed, this 'bumping' had happened many times before but she was still not used to it happening so suddenly.

Mirielle looked into his eyes. Snape was glaring so she sighed, and at the same time slowly raised a hand to the side of his face, but stopped half an inch before touching it, and said:

"Why do you try so hard to hate me?" with a hint of sadness in her eyes.

Then she exited the classroom without another word. Snape stared at the door she had just closed. His cheek felt hot with the heat her hand emanated and he unconsciously raised a hand to it. When he realized what he was doing he felt angry with himself and turned around to close the cupboard. He saw a red piece of cloth laying on the floor he bent down to pick it up and realized it was what the girl had used to tie her hair, it was for some strange reason, warm. Snape scowled at the thing, as he headed to dispose of it he noticed that it still smelled like her hair.

***************************************************************

A/N: Well, one more. Hope it isn't tooooo bad ^_^. Thanks a lot for the reviews left guys, I had no idea one can become addicted to them, or that one could cheer up by re-reading emm XD. So, if u got the time, keep them coming no matter if it is to tell me how much the story sucks, ill still be glad to read them. THNX for reading!!!


End file.
